Saturday, December 13, 2008

I Love WORDS. I think so many time people have no idea the POWER in words, or lack thereof. But I use words to pour out my heart about how I feel about everything. And there was a time in my life in the grief I was in I couldn't get the words to come out. So I made this collage of words that stood out to me, to help me when I had no words. And I have both hanging up on my wall to remind me of that time. And how I moved beyond it.
There is a very real part of me, that will NEVER understand how anyone can deny or think there isn't a God out there. Or that you can truly LIVE without him. Because I KNOW in my life that if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't be here right now.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

choosing God

Why do I choose God? God and my relationship really started when I turned 16, even though I had been exposed to the Christian religion all my life. He didn't become vital until then. Over the last 11 years he has definitely weaved in and out of my life. Sharing things with me I would have never understood. It hit me like a pie in the face! I choose God, because there is a part of me that wishes to be in a perfect relationship, to be completely naked or vunerable for everything in my life and still hear God say, "I LOVE YOU!" I choose you! because I have learned the hard way that people aren't perfect and they will let you down, even if they don't want to. But God will never do that. To believe that there is more to life than death, that there is a "heaven" waiting for me. That my life had more meaning then just the daily grind of life. That someone "sees" Amber for the mysterious, beautiful, amazing, crazy, wild, fierce, passionate, caring, nurturing, decisive Woman she is. That I may not have all the answers right now, but I may when I finally come face to face with my Savior. That I want a Savior, I want someone to save me from the quiet, fearful, boring life I used to have. That if anything happened to my babies that they would be in a safe place.

My story

Well this morning I will give a background sketch of my life. I am #3 of 8 kids. There are 6 girls and 2 boys. I was a Pastor's kid growing up, which could be tough sometimes. We moved around a lot during my teen years, to S. Dakota (yuck), and Illinois. I can honestly say that the only good thing that came out of that entire situation is I met my Best Friend Kim. At the tender age of 17 I joined the U. S. Navy. Never have I experienced such a culture shock. As there were many things I wasn't exposed to. So I had little experience with "worldly" pursuits. Then I went to Iceland, that was the farthest I have ever been away from my family, it was a really ugly period in my life. About 6 months into it I lost a good friend of mine, Dena. Her death sent me into a really bad depression, which wasn't helped by being in Iceland for the next year. But in that "place" I learned a lot of things about me.
A side note: I was molested by a "family" friend when I was 9, and we really didn't deal with it at that time.
So when I was in Iceland I became aware of how much it affected me when it came to guys. But then God brought someone into my life that really helped me see how Beautiful life and being with someone can be, when its right. I learned that life isn't a rose garden, but its also not all about pain and grief either. And to be normal in this life is to balance those 2 things. Then it was time to come back to the states, Virginia. While there I met my future Husband. We were friends for over a year before we started dating, then after 6 months we got married. Which was great because 2 months later I got pregnant. I got out of the Navy so I could come here to California and raise our son. Which has been great, that pretty much sums it up for right now.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

O my Joseph

I learned that line from my sister Hope. I love to say it cause it sounds so cute. I just want to dedicate this morning an Ode to coffee.
For those who have to get with our babies, the greatest life pleasures be it hot or cold, is that morning cup of Joe, that sends caffeine through our veins to help us throughout the day!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

My life - part 1

Well, it is the eve of my husband's homecoming, and I am noticeably nervous and excited, as we've been away from each other for the past 6 months. I am a military wife you see, and we had our son the firstborn earlier this year so he got to spend the first few months here, before he left. Of course he's gotten bigger and I have lost weight. Which is great! well that's it for now. I'm sure I'll post another later.